Accidents & Accusations
by The Little Monster 1024
Summary: It was hard for him. He wanted to be there for her, he wanted her there for him. He wanted them to grieve the death of their son together.


**Accidents and Accusations  
**

**AN: The name of this used to be my URL on tumblr and then someone stole it. I will forever be bitter about that. Anyway, yay for more angst. / Sorry I've been so absent, junior year was rough. It's over now, but I have a job as a nanny this summer so, I'll try to write when I'm not changing the smelly diapers of a 3 month old baby.**

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When he first heard it, he didn't think anything of it, thought that he might be hearing things. But it got louder and then he heard sniffles, he heard her trying to keep her tears in and failing miserably. These last few months, he'd heard his wife cry numerous times, each time a sharp pain in his chest. Wanting to reach out and help her, but not being able to help her as much as she needed him to.

He looked over at the clock, reading that it was well past three in the morning. Castle sat up with a little sigh and pushed the covers back, moving to get out of bed. Kate had a habit of hiding from him when she cried, like she didn't want him to see as broken as she really was. It was hard for him. He wanted to be there for her, he wanted her there for him. He wanted them to grieve the death of their son together.

He stood from the bed and walked over to the door of the master bathroom, gently and quietly turning the knob to make sure it wasn't locked. He slowly pushed the door open, peeking inside. His heart sank at the sight. Kate was leaning up against the side of the bathtub, her knees pulled her her chest, her face buried in her hands and she cried quietly into them. There were tissues scattered around her.

He took a step inside and shut the door behind him with a quiet click. She must have heard that, because her head jerked up.

"C-Castle?" She said, her voice raspy and her nose stuffy. She wiped at her eyes and started to stand before Castle took a step closer.

"Don't." Castle told her softly, sinking to the floor next to her, their shoulders brushing as he leaned his

back against the tub.

She continued to wipe at her eyes and try to even her breathing, running her shaking hand through her messy hair.

"Why didn't you wake me?" He asked her.

She shrugged, looking down at her lap. A few more tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Kate..."

"Rick, this is my fault." She choked out, meeting his eyes, hers red and bloodshot. "H-How can you even be near me? I killed our son-" Her voice broke on a sob and she couldn't go on.

_Oh, Kate. _"That's not- Kate, that isn't true. It was the drunk driver's fault." He told her, taking her hand in his. His thumb caressed the back of her shaking hand.

She shook her head, pulling her hand back. "He didn't have his seat belt on. What kind of mother doesn't notice that?" She said through the tears that she couldn't get to stop.

"He unbuckled to grab a toy from the floor. You didn't even know what was happening before the driver hit you guys." His voice wavered, thinking back four months to the worst day of his life, when the doctor told him that their two year old son was dead and that Kate was in critical condition with a head injury.

He'd gotten the phone call in the middle of a meeting with Gina, discussing the cover art for the latest Nikki novel. Ryan's frantic words play on constant repeat in his mind. Drunk driver. Critical condition. Doesn't look good. _I'm so sorry, Castle. _He rushed to the hospital as fast as he cold. There, they told him that Matthew died on impact. They told him that Kate's head injury was severe. They didn't know if she'd wake up. He waited for three days before she finally opened her eyes. Telling her that her baby was dead was the hardest thing he'd ever had to do, along with burying his son.

"I...I should've done something..."

"There was nothing you could've done." He said sadly.

"I know you blame me. I know you do...it's all my fault..." She cried, her voice breaking on a sob.

Castle wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gently pulled her to his side, wrapping his other arm around her and holding her close. "No, no, Kate. No, baby, I don't. This isn't your fault. You didn't do this. You loved Matthew so much; you didn't do this."

She cried into his shirt, clutching his shirt in his first as her tears soaked through the thin material. She clung to him, saying how sorry she was, how she didn't mean to, that she loved their son.

He held her close to him, her body almost completely in his lap. He rubbed her back and dropped soft kisses to her hair. "Shh," He murmured. "I know, I know. It's not your fault."

He doesn't know how long they sat there, but eventually she calmed down and the tears stopped. Her head rested on his chest, her forehead pressed against his neck, her breath still ragged and rough. He kept rubbing her back, kissing her hair again.

"I'm pregnant." She whispered, her voice breaking.

"Y-You are?" He asked, looking down at her.

She wasn't looking at him, her head was still down and her eyes were closed. She nodded. "Three months."

"You're sure?"

She nodded again.

They sat there in silence for what seemed like forever before he spoke again. "This is great." He said with a small smile.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him. "Is it?"

Castle nodded, rubbing her back. "Yes."

She looked away again, laying her head back down.

They were both hurting. Things were hard, but Castle was sure that this was a good thing, that they would both be happy. Kate had already been mentioning that she wanted another baby. She'd been so excited...

"I'm scared." She said in barely a whisper.

Castle held her closer. "Everything'll be okay." His was voice soft, reassuring.

"W-What if something happens to the baby?" She asked, looking up at him. "Castle, I don't think I could go on if something happened..."

"The baby's going to be fine. It's gonna be okay." He told her, pressing a soft kiss to her forehead.

She closed her eyes and nodded a little, trying to force herself to believe the reassuring words of her husband.

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**What did you guys think? **


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